The Captain's (B)log

Archive for the tag “star wars”

Anything Flies!


 Reality Check!

*Buffering*  *Determining Location*  *Delivering Result*

 Citizens of earth,

Now that we got that out-of-the-way… today’s post was inspired when I asked myself why McDonald’s doesn’t sell hot dogs… I couldn’t answer it so I started wondering if it’s rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food… I was hungry at the time and wanted to stop thinking about edible material so I began to ponder where the defining line exists when it comes to partly cloudy vs. partly sunny… which got me thinking bigger and more comprehensively and BAM! I decided to research the weirdest and most intriguing things that have ever flown into space. A light sprinkling of the facts, salt, pepper, a dash of Captain Obvious and there you have it. A recipe for disaster. Enjoy!

1. Ashes Of The Creator of Star Trek:

In an extraterrestrial effort to immortalize Star Trek’s creator, Gene Roddenberry, some of the sci-fi legend’s ashes were flown in a small capsule on the space shuttle Columbia‘s STS-52  mission in 1992, the year booty-shaking dancing entered the mainstream with Sir Mixx-a-Lot’s Baby Got Back and Paul Lynck (Great Britain) did 124 push-ups with one finger. The shuttle delivered the tiny canister into outer space, where it orbited the Earth 160 times before being returned on the shuttle.

All kinds of sports jerseys, dirt from Yankee Stadium and even NASCAR starter flags have made it up in space… why NOT experiment with human cremation? “To the best of everyone’s knowledge, it was the first time that human remains were launched on a manned spacecraft,” said a NASA representative on the subject. “To the best of everyone’s knowledge”? What… are government intelligence agencies smuggling bodies into space to ‘leave no trace’? Are they trying to cover up the discovery of an intergalactic alien burial ground/space? Investigation pending.

'Nuff said.

2.  Buzz Lightyear: Disney teamed up with NASA to launch the little guy into space. Lucky piece of toy store merchandise!  The intrepid plastic figurine logged 468 days at the orbiting outpost, during which time he starred in educational videos as part of joint NASA and Disney outreach programs, inspiring millions… like the chick in the pic below.

3. Luke Skywalker’s Lightsaber:

The prop was the original one used by actor Mark Hamill, who played Skywalker in Return of the Jedi. The lightsaber flew to the space station and back to mark the 30th anniversary of the film franchise. I’ve always liked Star Wars a helluva lot better than Star Trek (the clueless wanker with Asbergers teaching us to be human is just too much, yes you Mr. Spock) but at the same time I’ve never been an ultimate Star Wars junkie. However I did see something more up my alley recently on the interweb.

You might be a redneck Jedi if… (source)

A. You prefer the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
B. The doors on your X-Wing are welded shut and you have to climb in through the windows.
C. You’ve used a light saber  to light the barbecue grill.
D. The disturbance you detected in the Force was last night’s baked beans.

What makes it even funnier is that I know many people who would act like this if they lived long ago in a galaxy far away… Ok, one last (remotely applicable but humorous) photo to observe and then I’m out of here 🙂

Revised history lesson on the ancient, yet over sized, glow sticks.

That concludes our session today ladies and gentlemen… I hope you’ll join me next time for another installment of Devastating The Obvious!

May the force be with you,

Darth Obvious

8 Worst Getaway Vehicles Ever


More than sex, having a monkey or the ultimate bachelor pad… every guy wants to be a part of a heist. Some girls too I’m sure but I can guarantee that any fellow bromaster with a pair of wavos has at one time fantasized about playing an integral role in a classic bank robbery. But no one really thinks past that. Sure, pulling a B&E (breaking and entering) is easy but… how ya gonna get away? Honestly your guess is as good as mine but in lieu of an answer I’ve compiled a list of some not-so-great ways to extricate yourself from a similar situation.

1. Pogo Stick

Interesting. Pneumatic pogo stick/jack hammer concept design... you decide. Any potential as a getaway module?

2. Wheelchair

Redneck: disability equipped hunting device.

The Genghis Khan of all wheelchairs. Not sure if I should sit in it or mount it and mob to safety.

3. Stilts

This could be an awkward situation during a bank robbery. Take some notes from the cocky dude in the photo below bro.

Clearly a multi-purpose tool.

4. Unicycle

Creative.... "Your ultimate getaway vehicle! Get two people incarcerated for the price of one! No assembly required, two person vehicle, 5-10 years (minimum prison time)."

I'd like to draw your attention away from the picture above... now back to it... now back down here... Maybe a little noticeable in public but the cool factor far outweighs the disadvantage. OWNED!

5. Grocery Cart

Not a whole lot to work with here.

Now THIS has potential!

6. Hot air baloon

On the plus side: you're balloon would be equipped with a surefire counterattack for the lactose intolerant.

Lightspeed!

7. Hummer Stretch Limo

Officers in Topeka, Kansas had a relatively easy time closing the case of the Kwik Shop robbery by a man wielding a knife who was later identified as Erick D. Henson, 24. Why? Because a getaway car wasn't classy enough for Henson, he used a limo. And not just any limo - a white, stretch Humvee limo. Unemployed at the time of arrest, Henson was found drunk in the back of the limo by officers who located the limo about two miles from the Kwik Shop. But the questions only build with no apparent answer yet: where was Henson planning to go that night that he needed a stretch limo? Did he blow all his money on renting the limo and was trying to steal his driver's tip? And how exactly do you tactfully say to your driver, "Excuse me my good man, but would you be so kind as to pull over at Chez Kwik Shop while I rob them with my knife?"

8. Rickshaw

Ah... Vader. We meet again. Anyone ever robs a bank in a Vader costume and escapes in a rickshaw I will give you $500 cash. That's a promise (not an enticement to break the law... but to each his own).

For corporate thieves and criminals of an Asian descent that prefer to patronize more luxurious modes of getaway transportation.

Various other options in the deleted scenes of this post include (but are not limited to): Three legged racing, Bull riding, Horses, Stealing a moped, Circus elephants, Via email, Teleportation, Electric shopping cart, Kid size shopping cart, String of shopping carts, Ostrich, Sailing a Chinese Junk boat, Bamboo Train (google it!), Camelback, the Zorb if you’re in New Zealand of course (google it), and last but not least…. by Dog Sled. Tell me if this was something you could relate to. Peace!

Captain Obvious

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