The Captain's (B)log

Archive for the tag “Random”

Mental Musings


Anybody else imagine an emoticon winky face making a clinking sound when it winks like change falling into a coffer of various coins? Nobody? I’ve always had an interesting mind (and when I say interesting I mean abstract, most likely ADHD and definitely random) but recently I’ve realized how odd it really is. I notice it particularly when I think back out loud in my head (I’ve perfected this art) and go back over what I just thought. If it we’re a radio station it wouldn’t be lying about “more variety”.

Do you ever think about English words in pure noise form? DOOR. You look like such a dork saying that word. And there’s another one, dork. I’ve heard it to be defined as a male blue whale‘s reproductive organ but there are many interpretations. Then you get into the words that make you sound like Justin Bieber; “frothy, moist, supple”. But I digress.

I always find myself looking at certain situations and fantasizing about applying the same strategies in completely different situations in life. Like board games? Have you ever played Monopoly? Well Free Parking is where you land on a space and get all the money in the middle of the board that people have payed in throughout the game and it’s got this red parking meter fire-hydrant-lookin’-thing marking the space. Now… me being me… I began to think how awesome would that be! Getting paid to park? Sounds like a game show. “YOU’VE WON 1 MILLION DOLLARS!” Bob Barker walkin’ down the street, you’re posing with girls and confetti and everything…. then Ashton Kutcher walks up… “SUCKER! You’ve been Punk’d!” He trips and busts his head open, Bob disappears through a man hole, the girls get off break and have to go back to work at Hooters as a giant vacuum cleaner sucks up the red carpet, confetti and your car and you’re stuck with a murder scene (minus one car). No thank you. I knew there was a reason I’ve always hated that game.

Much Ado About Nothing*


I am posting today to bring awareness to an american travesty gone rampant in the very fast food joints we patronize every day of our existence. I’m not talking about the filthy preparation or despicable state of most restrooms. I’m not even talking about the repulsive things I’ve done in my past life as a waiter to people’s evening morsels. I’m here today to talk to you about snow blindness in cats. Snow blindness in cats has effected… NOT!

What I REALLY want to address is the ridiculous amount they can charge you for a 3 ounce (<measurement stated at random, correct me if you are privy to such information) of sour cream, or any condiment for that matter! It’s more than exorbitant, it’s robbery! One of my friends and I had this lengthy conversation not but months ago… why it just popped into my kranium we’ll never know.

 

Talk about fast food!

Unfortunately the corporate conspiracies that be have picked up on this fact and started to charge 50 cents or even a dollar for this wonderful dairy protege and it’s ilk. I am hereby boycotting any and all such thievery. No more sour cream for this guy. In closing I have a few questions… Who will join me? Is this a plague unique to my country or is a universal ploy?  I want to hear from my blogging counterparts across the globe on this subject.

You can take our lives... but... you will never take... our MCDONALDS!

*The next post will contain much more substantial material.

R.I.P. Mr. Playa


 In the spirit of the Christmas season… what’s the difference between Santa and Chuck Norris? Mr. Claus only has 3 ho’s  😉

I’ve been characterized as quite the player of late. Due to my natural charm, dashing good looks and ever-present sense of humor… the females came pretty easy this year. By the way, if you don’t know what a player is, it is one who has the elusive ‘game’ factor or one who has game. Allow me to define it in this blow-by-blow from the show How I Met Your Mother.

Barney Stinson: Oh, Theodore. You can’t spell ‘game’ without ‘me’, and ‘me’ has the best game.
Ted Mosby: Oh, yeah? Well, I have so much game, I’m a Cornish game hen.
Barney Stinson: Well, I have so much game, I’m the New York gaming commissioner.
Ted Mosby: I have so much game, I’m The Game, well-constructed thriller starring Michael Douglas and Sean Penn.

Typical players. I can relate. They like attention but some of them can be good guys at heart too… and that’s what I always shoot for. Well to get to the point of my story… I met a girl I really like and have had to cease and desist from my untamed gallivanting. Alas… it will be missed but it’s for a good cause. She’s just an undeniably gorgeous person inside and out and I’m looking to see where this leads. Who knows? Within a month I may be back into the single scene, breaking hearts and going crazy as usual or I might be settled down a bit and doing something productive with my life. Oh and did i mention she’s a good influence on me?

In conclusion: Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky and once kicked a horse in the chin. It’s descendants today are known as giraffes. And now time for a random episode of… what’s wrong with this picture?

Blogstipation


Blogstipation- n. (BLOG-steh-PAY-shun)

1. Slightly contagious and somewhat amusing to watch someone undergo times, blogstipation is the avid writer‘s worst enemy. It is that point one reaches when at the end of their creative rope, a mental morass of unappealing ideas. Synonyms include: Writer’s Block… (what you want more?). Antonyms include: Inspiration, Creative Genius, Brainstorm & Writer’s Diarrhea.

Ex. “He was at the computer for hours, face contorted with exertion, as he battled the unyielding Blogstipation.”

2. See 1.

Quotes related to Blogstipation:

“Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don’t see any.” ~ Orson Scott Card.

“Writer’s block is the greatest side effect of boredom.” Jason Zebehazy

Ladies and gentlemen I am currently experiencing this dreaded disease but should rebound within a day or two. I am currently accepting “Get Well Soon” and sympathy cards. Cheers.

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