The Captain's (B)log

Archive for the tag “Christmas”

Am I Racist if I Dream of a White Christmas?

Mexican and Black jokes are more or less the same… once you’ve heard Juan you’ve heard Jamaal.

I found this particular post quite informative and entertaining in it’s discussion on what type of being our fictional St. Nick really SHOULD be. Enjoy:)

penguin santa racism black and white


Evidently writing about racism is like working for the CIA:  just when I thought I was done and out, they pull me back in.  Race, racism, race baiting, race profiling, race walking, race horses, race for the cure, emb-race the suck—enough already!  It’s time that we as a culture dug deep, looked within, and somehow found the strength to stop being so stupid.

The latest manufactured media hullabaloo is about the race of Santa Claus.  That’s right, Santa Claus.  And it all started with Slate blogger Aisha Harris.



Aisha got everybody riled up by saying that Santa should be a penguin.

A what?


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Christmas Observations

I support the true meaning of Christmas as Jesus birthday etc… but I’m here today to talk about pretty much everything else 😛

Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus… what I wouldn’t give to be 18 again… I still hold a grudge against the chubby, nonexistent charlatan. Santa is Satan misspelled…I’m on to you, Fatman. YAY! Let’s wrap cheap electric lights around our dead indoor tree and get ready for the guy to break into the house while we’re sleeping!  It may be hard to believe by the tone of this post but… I actually love Christmas. No matter how old you are, bubble wrap is pseudo gunfire and an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword. What else could inspire someone to spend an ungodly amount of time untangling a 6 dollar strand of Christmas lights they bought 10 years ago.

And what is this ‘Happy Holiday‘ crap? Dave Barry put it best when said “In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka‘ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!”

I plan on going and getting a real tree this week. I’ve never had one before because my parents didn’t believe in putting one up… hope it doesn’t end up like Amy Winehouse. Dead, 5 ft 6, and surrounded by needles before Christmas. There is an upside though. At least I’m not so poor that I have to decorate my Christmas tree car air freshener.

Ah Christmas… with your confusing carols (We Three Kings of Porridge and Tar? Recently corrected on that one) and frantic last-minute shopping. If not for Christmas companies would have to invent another holiday causing one and all to spend more than they make all year in one month.

In conclusion to this random escapade into the red, green and white rainbow that is Deember 25th, I bid you Merry Christmas. Should you lack mistletoe… may you always kiss under the influence.


Can I see Some ID?

No, I’m not talking about the first words uttered to you by every police officer. Here in the United States we see the signs every time we enter or exit the checking lane in any store. “Alcohol and Tobacco. We card under 40.”

A custom has developed in regard to this policy that is both appreciated and detested by equal numbers. Those under the age of 18 or 21 with criminal intent to purchase these age-appropriate substances don’t like the law. I will disregard them in this post here due to the opinion’s incredible duhness* (to be distinguished from dullness, usually the catalyst of duhness).

To make a long story short: cashiers will ask senior citizens for ID as a sort of reversely psychological compliment. Have you ever noticed this? There are adamant parties on both sides of this issue. The hardened 65-year-old rancher buying a tractor and a case of beer flips his lid (and in rare cases a bird) because of extra trouble caused by a well-meaning cashier. Meanwhile, in the next checkout lane, the same treatment for a grandma getting a new prescription and a small bottle of wine leaves her overjoyed and feeling young at heart. Why they sell beer, tractors, drugs and wine in the same store I’ll never know but the results are self-evident: frustration vs. making someone’s day.

There’s a simple solution to this, something not so common anymore… common sense. Instead of taking every opportunity to make yourself feel like Mother Theresa, you cashiers out there SHOULD endeavor to read the people you serve (go back to school if necessary, yes I said read). I’m not upset about this personally in the least but instead make this plea on behalf of the O.F.Y.H. (Old Farts,Young Hearts) Association of America. Those of you who card Scrooge on Christmas Eve, have a bad experience and quit carding senior citizens could be denying Granny Smith‘s lone Christmas wish.

If this still makes no sense then do this. Card nice elderly women and not cranky old men… you’ll have a higher success rate. From there you can move on to divining the intricacies of the department store customer’s mind and who knows? Perhaps you’ll go on to a career in mental therapy or fortune-telling but a small dose of good judgement will go a long way to getting you started.

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.”           C. E. Stowe

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