The Captain's (B)log

I Speak Fluent Foodish


When questioning certain females as to the nature of their virtually non-existent eating habits, it quickly became evident that this was way out of my league… so naturally I took it and ran with it. I was informed that this is not a simple issue, with large words people don’t usually understand like ‘metabolism’ and ‘food‘. They couldn’t have known I have a second language. I speak fluent Foodish.

These girls are all “Oh yes I had this crumb for breakfast. Oh so delicious! And then the speck I picked off my plate for lunch? Mmm… scrumptious and that DINNER! OMG, words can’t describe how good that 1/32 of cake tasted!” Aspiring models reading Vogue Magazine and bragging about how little they ate… Really? First of all, that’s very dangerous. Everyone knows the leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

NEWSFLASH: There’s a line in the sand between taking care of yourself and starvation. One stick figure of a friend actually gave this retort when questioned. “Well, there’s starving kids in Africa.” From personal experience, this statement will suffice as an answer for most questions on any subject… you should try it sometime! However, in THIS instance it was completely off topic. At least try to give me a slightly entertaining answer like “I’m trying to minimize my body mass so the aliens will have a harder time spotting me from space.”

Now, realistically, I can’t speak for all my sex (keep reading…) but I will do my best. I don’t claim to be a relationship expert but in the process of devastating the obvious I find it my duty to the blogosphere to give it my best shot. What man wants to hang around someone who pukes at the mention of food? That rules out like… half of our conversation topics and seeing how much you all like to talk, that’s mutually painful.

A walking coat hanger ready to faint never did anyone any good. Everyone wants to get SOMETHING out of life whether it be helping others, having fun, leaving a legacy etc (email me if you don’t want to get something out of life, you have issues). What we DO want is a real, live human being who doesn’t have to pursue their twisted view of ‘perfect’ all the time. We don’t want to have to look through a telescope to see your personality up close and personal. At the same time, we shouldn’t have to use a microscope to verify your waistline still exists.

My point isn’t as barbaric as “guys like curves”. It’s not about being the perfect model or a sex symbol. If you have to starve something, starve the ego. No one wants or needs a victim of self-image obsession, male, female, skinny or otherwise. I realize I’m targeting a select group of people with this post but it’s because there’s a very conscious choice involved. I hope that this article’s perspective has shed some new light on the subject. If so, this gentleman has accomplished his goal.

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36 thoughts on “I Speak Fluent Foodish

  1. I like where you went with this. The ego is a run away freight train that if not taught to work with you in a positive way, will wreak havoc with your life. Until young ladies find security in their own inner light, they will continue to search outwardly for gratification, confidence, validation and recognition. And until the media stops insisting that skeletal is sexy, we will continue to see young ladies starve themselves in the name of beauty. I have not met a man who truly likes a woman who i’s weak from hunger and wears her 10 year old sisters clothes because nothing else fits her. What is inside is SO much for important. Rise to the occasion of your authentic self, march to the beat of your own drum and you will be amazed at how many wonderful people want to play in your band.

    • Well, it was the only place TO go with it for the reasons you just stated so eloquently. Thank you for linking to my blog on your site. You have a great way of summing up and rephrasing things 🙂

  2. “HEY! NOT ALL GIRLS STARVE THEMSELVES! I eat much more than 3 crumbs a day, hmph” 😉

  3. I don’t hang out with weirdos who won’t ‘pig out’ with me haha, sorry 😦

  4. What? The world doesn’t revolve around me?! Oh wait, I have to starve my ego hahaa, maybe this does apply to me 😛

  5. HOW DID YOU KNOW?! O.o

  6. oh, you’re so right. keep telling more girls that, please! they don’t listen to other girls. 😉

  7. sorry it took me a while to respond to this… was fishing myself out of a street grate … hahah 🙂 this is my favourite post so far. i love it and its great for people to hear. although sometimes its hard to find your inner light when you have a big mac meal in there! 😀

  8. vixter2010 on said:

    Haha love it! I love food and can’t imagine living on lettuce 🙂

  9. Awesome awesome awesome awesomeee.. I had an anorexic roommate last year so unfortunately, I know all to well what you’re talking about! Mind if I re-blog this one? with credit, of course 🙂

  10. Pingback: I Speak Fluent Foodish (via Devastating The Obvious) « Where's My Pulse?

  11. I like your post and I agree that focusing on how little one eats and how perfect one’s body isn’t a good thing. I happen to be one of those lucky girls who was born genetically thin. I can eat a meal every hour and not gain a pound but there are others who are not so lucky. I know someone else who was also born genetically thin but due to a lack of good self image became anorexic. Perhaps you don’t understand that being anorexic isn’t a choice, it’s actually a mental illness and isn’t something you can just dismiss as “oh those stupid girls who choose not to eat”. Try reading up a little bit more on it. 🙂

    -http://www.medicinenet.com/anorexia_nervosa/article.htm#tocb

    -http://blogs.independent.co.uk/2011/02/28/anorexia-isnt-a-choice-recovery-is/

    -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anorexia_nervosa

    • I think that’s my point exactly. It IS a mental thing and this is a post about mindset and how we approach how we look and well… food. lol I read those things and didn’t find much new information I wasn’t aware of. Thanks though! Sorry if I came across as insensitive in any way but… I think it’s pretty applicable 🙂

      • Your point seems to come across more as “woman who don’t eat a lot should get a grip and see how they’re wrong” It just seems to me that you don’t really get how most women who eat, or don’t, don’t really have a choice on the matter. Just my two sense.

        • Huh… not sure i’m clear on what your critique is but… ok. My point is simply this: be a real person, don’t be obsessed with anything but living life to the fulles. Perhaps my biggest point is that men won’t be more attracted to you because you’re the skinniest freak on the planet. Just chillax and be yourself.

  12. Yet again, lovin your post man. Too many have gotten caught up with the distorted image of what perfection is to a point that is outrageously detrimental to both their mental & physical health. Society places such a strong emphasis on image that it’s scary to watch these gals of all ages abusing their bodies in such a manner. I guess what it comes down to is… being happy with yourself & taking care of yourself reaponsibly. Who wants to be a walking coat hanger? Not this girl… making smart choices 🙂 great post Josiah!

  13. First you gave me a day/reason to devour an entire bag of Lays and now, after consuming 3/4 jar of oily artichoke hearts, I read your foodish post. LOL. It just gets better and better. Obviously I do not have body dysmorphia going on but have known and treated many girls who do. It’s a serious mental disorder that I believe more people need to be aware of. Now the girls who don’t have body dysmorphia and simply overact regarding what they eat as a way to gain attention are simply annoying! Good job posting.

    The only thing starving in this home is most definitely the ego – good saying…I will have to borrow it.

  14. Mindarin on said:

    Dude, awesome post, in a lot of ways! But you have to admit, that in this culture, there is a LOT of pressure for girls to look like walking sticks. 😛 It isn’t as simple as just being silly and vain. A friend of mine told me the other day that “She wishes she could catch anorexia, but she likes food too much.” My point being that, it can be hard not to want to fit in. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be going against the flow. But it’s harder than you make it sound. 🙂

    • Ok then.

      Addendum: “Actually doing this is harder than it sounds.”

      Thanks for checkin it out Mindy. I agree with you and I’m sure I don’t even know the extent of what you say being true. I can only give my point of view and hope it helps. I appreciate your input though!

  15. Somehow girls in my country do not believe in the starving thing! But they do have hidden desires to look like the latest cover picture of any model..Nothing wrong in having stars in our eyes… 🙂

  16. India , the land of snake charmers & elephants ( God, where do people get such notions from ?) 🙂

  17. Its great…just that we do not have snake charmers roaming around the streets anymore…there used to be, in the days of yore…not anymore 🙂 An occasional elephant, yes. Its just that the lazy mahout is trying to earn his livelihood with the help of his gentle giant 🙂

    • Days of yore? Clearly I need to study my middle-eastern history more often… wow that sounds like an intriguing culture. I’m having a conversation with a guy on his blog who is also from India and it is definitely a place I want to visit 🙂

  18. nice post…i just think those type of people…(mind you there are some guys that have body issues lol (since everyone here is talking about females)), are confused..and most of them are teenagers…its the whole conditioning phenomenon happening!!!

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