The Captain's (B)log

The Facebook Equation*


© Captain Obvious
*Despite the ominous title, little to no math skills are required in the reading of this post.

With over 500 million active users spending 700 billion minutes per month on Facebook, it’s a safe bet that, if you’re reading this, you have a Facebook account. I would like to open the discussion with a passage out of Facebook. I hope this verse, originally composed by my close friend (who has shared custody of my middle name) Kenny V. Anderson, will give us some insight into the modern transcendence of social networking.

The 23rd Facebook

The Facebook is my shepherd, I shall not poke.

It maketh me to lie down with my smart phone

It leadeth me beside the computer, it restoreth my old friendships.

It leadeth me in the paths of comments, for my ego’s sake

Yea, though I scroll through the valley of misspelling,

I will fear no grammar, for emoticons are with me.

Your likes and your comments, they comfort me.

Thou preparest an event before me in the presence of my newsfeed.

Thou anointeth my wall with statuses, my suggestions runneth over.

Surely friends and strangers shall follow me all the days of my life.

I will dwell on the wall of my profile forever. lol.

As the title suggests, my topic today specifically relates to the adding and deleting of friends, mainly, the thought process, internal questions and deciding factors applicable to linking yourself with another human being in the universe.  We live in a world where a deletion on Facebook can serve as an end to a real life friendship. An oversight such as not changing your single status on Facebook can lead to the demise of a relationship (on the Relationship Don’ts List it goes #1 Cheating… #2 Not updating your relationship status).

We’ve all asked ourselves the question (especially regarding people we haven’t ACTUALLY met), whether for a fleeting instant or what seems like an eternity… should I add this person? Many factors come into play at this point. Do I want to be associated with this person? Will they like my status posts? Will Bob get mad if I add Bill? But do they like macaroni and cheese?

We need to face both reality and the music (but mostly reality because we already KNOW music is intrinsically awesome). It comes down to our image, our freedom from other people’s opinions and our personal definition of the word friend. C’mon people, don’t be Jack Black from Shallow Hal, say yes to friendship and the unexplored world of a new individual being a part of your life! That’s the way to win friends and influence people but… whatever you do… make sure you know WHY you do it. If you didn’t get anything else out of this post I hope you got that. If you’re self aware no one can stop you, whether in the social or business world, Friday night bowling or spelunking off the coast of South America. Follow your dreams.

(If your wondering how we got from Facebook>Poems>Adding&Deleting People>Questions>Reality&Music>True Motives>Know Why You Do>Cave Diving In Brazil. That’s how. Now back to the conclusion.)

In conclusion, the conclusion is obvious. Know why you do what you do and you will be able to repeat what works and weed out that which has set you back. Expand that circle of influence. This starts in our minds and in our virtual world, social networking.

Well, there’s 5 minutes and 32 seconds of your life that you’ll never get back.

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32 thoughts on “The Facebook Equation*

  1. Hey Captain Obvious, awesome blog! Thank you for reading my blog, leaving a comment, and leading me to your blog. I just think that the state the world is in today, the one thing we all need is more laughter and you are funny!

  2. Thanks Mick. And likewise, you’re pretty entertaining youself. Ive already added you but… wanna add me on your blogroll?

  3. Creative You on said:

    Haaha nice one funny I actually deactivated my facebook account two weeks ago and have been suffering from serious withdrawal symptoms lol. Lovely Blog

    • Wow props to you. Deleting your facebook account is like disassociating yourself with another (semi-addictive) part of yourself or giving up peanut butter… seriously stick to your guns. Your one of my heroes 😀

  4. Awesome post! Facebook had started to become a black hole of a time waster for me… I’ve made a conscious effort more recently to waste less of my time on there and so far so good! While I still have my account, WordPress is quickly taking Facebook’s place. The connectionss and conversations had here hold way more substance than those held on facebook, which I guess makes sense in the long run. Thanks for this post… good read!

    • That’s exACTLY how it is with me Megan! I used to feel like I was on Facebook 24/7 but your absolutely right. The connections, conversations and insanely better quality of writers and even people on wordpress is fast replacing the black hole of shallow social networking. And thanks for the love, I’ll definitely read your blog and see what you’re all about as well. I like ya already. 🙂

      • Hey…what can I say I was none the wiser when I signed up for Facebook a couple years ago! I wish I woulda caught the blogging bug sooner; better late than never. Hope you do stop by my neck of the woods & take a read & who knows maybe enjoy it?!?! Stranger things have happened! 🙂

        • Oh absolutely. Ive already checked off subscribing, genuinely liking a post and more. You have some very satisfying and original content. I will definitely read your up and coming posts as well as begin to check those I have not had the pleasure to read as of yet 🙂

        • I’ll hold ya to it! …to good writing and great reads that is. 😉

  5. Kudos to Kenny for The 23rd Facebook. It’s brilliant!

    I used to be the Queen of Facebook. No, really. I used it to basically reunite my entire graduating class though I still have no idea how that task fell on my shoulders. I was everywhere on FB at all times… comments, notes, pictures, likes, more likes, even more bloody likes. But, I suffer from A.D.O.S.D. (Attention Deficit… OOOH! SHINY! Disorder). The novelty, it has worn off. Like the rise and fall of the tide, though far more irregular, my interest in FB comes and goes.

    • It sure is! He’s an older (much wiser) carbon copy of me (although since he’s older I think I’m his copy… i don’t know… maybe its in having the same middle name). I too was the King of Facebook but true writers must find a more suitable venue in which to showcase their talents… the rest, as they say, is history.

  6. Caption Obvious! Thanks for “liking” my Peeps post. That led me to your blog, which I am thoroughly enjoying. Do you mind if I post a link to this posting on my blog and to my Facebook friends? Love this posting and loved the poem your friend wrote. I’m adding you to my blogroll!

    Cindy
    http://www.cindydyer.wordpress.com

  7. Your friends poem is great!

    I like FB but have a bad habit of logging in and then wandering off and doing something else.

    And it’s a good way to publicize your blog.

  8. You have a point. A lot of those are not really looking to read a blog.

  9. Theres levels of internet writing commitment: Twitter, Facebook, Blog.

  10. Good stuff bro!

  11. Collette Murphy Stefanko on said:

    Most excellent. This could possibly be complemented with the following social media devotional:

    Our Twitter, who art in my smartphone,
    Hallowed be Thy retweet.
    Thy followers come.
    Thy Will be on my iPad as well as my laptops at work and home.
    Give us this day our daily tweet.
    And forgive us our time wasted,
    as we forgive those who do not follow back
    And lead us not over 140 characters,
    but deliver us from complete sentences. Amen.

  12. Haha I have to say I like Kenny’s slightly better personally but that IS a great compliment to it 😀 Where did you hear that one?

  13. How did I miss this???

  14. Pingback: Shoes to Fill, Hats to Wear and some *BREAKING NEWS* « Maggie Mae's Days

  15. Very interesting and how true!

  16. ohanabee on said:

    a few weeks ago i started deleting all the useless applications (games) I was using…what a waste of time farmville & co. i deleted a lot of friends. if i haven’t interacted with you in years or i know i cause u are the friend of x or y then i don’t see the point to have you in my list. i only kept those close friends that i interact outside facebooktopia.i hope one day i’ll be able to say good bay forever to facebook. nothing to learn, most of the stuff there is just pure ignorance, useless, egocentric, narcissistic …you name it world

    • I NEVER played a game on Facebook and I discovered how to block the updates, thankfully. Some of my Facebook friends DO seem to play them.

      I keep meaning to clean out my friends list along similar lines, but I’ve not got around to it yet!

  17. Funny…especially the poem….though I have yet to succumb to facebook…Je resist…maybe soon I will be the only person in the world who is not on facebook…

  18. Pingback: To add or not to add? Facebook Dilemna* (via Devastating The Obvious) « My Blog

  19. I love it. Totally go through all those questions when I get on fb.

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